Confidence—it’s one of those things everyone seems to want but no one tells you how to cultivate. Spoiler alert: it’s not about “taking a big long breath of confidence and with the exhale let go of every doubt.” Nope, we’re not doing that here. I am not that person and in all honesty if I hear that I run. Confidence isn’t something you magically summon—it’s something you build. So today, I’m giving you real, tangible tips that will take you from insecure as hell to the most confident version of yourself. Let’s dive in.
1. Build Self-Trust
If I could give you just one tip, it would be this: learn to trust yourself. If I could give you just one tip, it would be this: learn to trust yourself. Here’s he thing, confidence, by definition, is the feeling or belief that you can rely on someone or something. If you repeatedly break promises to yourself, how can you expect to feel secure in who you are? Imagine if a friend ghosted you twice after making plans—how much faith would you have in them? Probably none. Yet, we do this to ourselves all the time. Hear me out: Every time you hit snooze instead of waking up early, skip the workout you swore you’d do, or ignore the boundaries you said you’d set, you’re sending yourself a message: I can’t rely on myself. Flip the script. Start with one small promise to yourself—whether it’s taking a walk daily or journaling for 5 minutes—and keep it for 30 days. No excuses. Watch how that one habit transforms your relationship with yourself.
2. Know Yourself Inside and Out
You know what’s ideal? Knowing yourself better than anyone else. Confident people know who they are. TThey know what they love, what triggers them, and where their boundaries lie. But here’s the kicker- most of us spend more time analyzing our partners or friends than ourselves. If you want to boost your confidence start devoting as much time, effort and energy to getting to know yourself as you would to get to know a friend, a lover, or the job of your dreams. Shift that energy inward. Keep a journal, listen to podcasts, read personal development books, or better yet, start psychotherapy or coaching. These days the tools are endless and more available than ever before, so there are no excuses. The better you understand yourself, the more unshakable your confidence will become.
3. Create Beliefs Backed by Evidence
You’ve heard about affirmations, but here’s the twist: Positive affirmations alone aren’t enough. To truly reprogram your mindset, you need evidence to back them up. Which means, saying "I'm rich" or " money comes to me easily" while you fail to cover your bills and have no additional resources will not work. In fact, it will probably piss you off. Because you are lying to yourself. Saying "it's a great day" while stuck in traffic, mid heat wave can have even worse results. The point is not to lie to yourself but to reinforce a belief for which there is evidence. Instead of passively repeating affirmations, actively collect proof that support them. For example, if your affirmation is “I am lovable,” notice moments that prove it: a friend’s kind words, a heartfelt conversation, or even a stranger’s smile. Evidence solidifies belief, and belief transforms your reality. Want a more "practical" example? If you are feeling anxious about how you will cope with a difficulty, saying or expecting that "the solution or the money will come to me" is futile. But if you have evidence that you have coped in the past with something similar or more difficult, you can repeat that "I always find solutions and manage to cope with whatever comes my way". In any case a positive affirmation is not a spells - it’s psychology. And if you’re serious about rewiring your thoughts, working with a certified NLP professional is a great next step. Skip the TikTok quick fixes; lasting change deserves serious effort.
4. Look Good, Feel Good (Your Way)
Like it or not, looking good equals feeling good. Just think about how you feel and go out into the world when you really like how you look. Kind of lifts your spirits doesn't it? Confidence often starts with feeling comfortable in your own skin—literally. Forget trends and focus on what makes you feel amazing.Maybe it's wearing your favorite jewelry, a bright lipstick, a print or a perfume that lifts your mood.Start small—choose outfits and routines that make you feel both confident and comfortable, even on a lazy day at home.
5. Detox From Negativity
Have you ever met a truly confident person who constantly complains or tears others down? No; Me neither. So listen carefully. Get over the negativity. And yes, I recognize that there are moments we all need to complain - to get it out of your system but these should be moments and not lifestyle. Whether it's constant complaining, self-deprecating humor (you know what I'm talking about), hanging out with people who wear you or others down or carry that mindset, negativity—whether in your thoughts, your humor, or your relationships—is draining. Here’s my challenge: for 30 days, commit to eliminating negative self-talk and minimizing complaints. Replace them with gratitude. The shift will be transformational.
6. Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
You know why we don't all have luxurious homes, items or experiences? Because they have high value and these are hard to get. The same should apply for you. It's okay to be very, very selective with your time and energy. it's ok wanting to keep yourself in high vibration and saying no to anything that might take you out of that vibe. We are allowed to be selective, we are allowed to have high standards, and we are allowed to share with other people what we are and are not available for. Here’s the key: boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. If someone keeps crossing your line and you let it slide, it’s not a boundary—it’s a free pass. Stand firm. You’re not a bitch for setting boundaries; you’re just someone who values herself. Be absolute and selective in who and what is allowed to exist in your life. High-value people attract high-value relationships—don’t settle for less.
7. Leave Your Comfort Zone Regularly
You’ve heard it a million times: growth doesn’t happen in your cozy bubble. Confidence comes from doing hard things and proving to yourself that you can. I can't tell you how many things I never thought of things I couldn’t do, I ended up doing them and found tremendous strength in them. Whether it’s trying a new class, starting a conversation with a stranger, or traveling solo, confidence grows when you prove to yourself that you can do hard things. Start small—pick one thing that makes you nervous and just do it. You’ll be surprised how quickly the fear fades and pride takes its place.
8. Embody Confidence Daily
Here’s a trick: start embodying the confident person you want to be. Confidence is not just a feeling. It’s an action. Instead of waiting to "feel" confident, start acting like the person you want to be. Ask yourself: “What would a confident version of me do today?” Would they speak up in a meeting? Say no to plans they don’t want to attend? Walk into a room with their head held high? Start embodying this energy today. The more you act with confidence, the more it will become your reality.
9. Discover Your Core Values
Core values are the foundation of an authentic life and confidence comes from living authentically. When your actions align with your core values, you feel grounded and self-assured. When you live in alignment with them, confidence flows naturally. For example, if family is a core value, it’s okay to prioritize time with loved ones over extra work hours. So take time to identify your top 3-5 values. Use them as a compass for your decisions. When you’re clear on what matters most to you, it’s easier to say “yes” to what aligns and “no” to what doesn’t. If you don't know how, head to our post https://www.instagram.com/p/DAVuP57IQzC/ comment "VALUES" and I will send you the "Wheel of Values" a free tool that will help you see clearly what is most important to you - at this stage of life - it’s also makes an interesting group activity.
10. Live Authentically And Without Regrets
In case no one told you: life is short and quite random. I don't want to be that person but seriously now, we live on a planet floating in space and to make it more tangible, you don't know what's going to happen to you every time you walk out your door. Or even before.This is not an excuse to live recklessly - but rather a reason to live purposefully. Other people’s judgments? Reflections of their own thoughts and limitations. That fear of failure? Completely made up and absolutely subjective. Focus on what feels real and has value to you. Too many people come to the end of their lives full of regret for things they didn't do. Don't let this be you. Stop waiting for “one day” to live your dream life. Be unapologetically yourself, chase your goals, and embrace the moment Life is short, and confidence grows when you stop caring about what doesn’t matter.