As long as you don't believe in your self-worth you will settle for jobs, relationships, money, behaviors and situations that will be less than what you deserve, what you really want and what you could have if only you believed in yourself enough to claim them. Many people live their lives this way. Most of them are women.
Why Especially Women?
The short answer is "it’s the patriarchy baby". The broadest one is that most of us - and I include myself - were programmed this way. We've been taught to look for validation outside of ourselves, and that's never enough. We learned to listen to others but ignore our own voice. We were rewarded for understanding, for self-denial, for our ability to care and for our silence. We were blamed for anything that didn't fit the norms standards. Even for those characteristics that would be rewarded in a man and would be considered a sign of being dynamic and self-confident. Even today we are still chased by a thousand labels and limiting beliefs, most of which we reject openly because we know better, but have already consumed and digested so they live and play on the background of our heads rent free, eroding everything from the inside. Why do women not believe in themselves? Why do most of them have low self-esteem? Because most of us were taught that it is not enough to exist, we have a thousand roles to fulfill depending on our age and status, we feel bad and hide our physical needs, we are ashamed of our bodies and we are afraid of age and the passing of time. How can you feel worthy, when something inside you always tells you that you are not doing something right? That in some way or area of your life you are not enough? How to assert your desires with confidence when living in constant self doubt?
Low Expectations Everywhere
The thing with self-worth and self-value is that unlike self-confidence that you may have in some areas and lack in others, you either have them or you don't. And not valuing yourself and not believing in your worth reflects on all areas of your life. From the partner you’ll choose, the people you’ll have around, the behaviors you’ll tolerate, the environment you’ll live in and the goals you’ll set for yourself. It all comes down to what you think you are worth. And if you think you are not worth much then the standards are low. And you are ready to accept the first job offer that gives you 100 euros more than the minimum, date the first person who’ll give you the slightest attention, endorse in relationships that don’t mentally challenge you but at least you are not alone. If there's one thing I've learned from working with many wonderful women all this time, it's that in life, most of the times we don't get what we deserve, but what we believe we deserve. Even if by luck something better comes our way, if we don't strengthen ourselves sooner or later we will return to what exists as a "ceiling" inside us. In all areas.
What is Personal Empowerment?
I mentioned earlier that we are "programmed" to think a certain way, or if you will "trained" but luckily for us we can reprogram this time consciously and on our own terms. And this is where personal empowerment comes in.
To empower yourself literally means to give power to yourself.
Personal empowerment is a deeply personal and transformative process that is about understanding and realizing your full potential, your ability to take control of your life and make conscious decisions that work for you. It’s a journey of becoming aware of yourself, your values, your skills, your weaknesses and beliefs and using this new self-awareness as a basis for setting goals, shaping your life and living it on your own terms.
It’s an internal journey that builds your sense of self-worth and strengthens your ability to stand up for yourself, your wants and values because you are the first to know and respect them. And maybe no one ever taught you, or you somehow forgot along the way, because you know, life happens, but if you just decide it you can offer this gift to yourself starting today.
Self-Empowerment Practices
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Start Therapy
If I had Taylor Swift's money or won the lottery (which I don't actually play) I would buy a round of therapy sessions for every woman I know or will ever meet. This is how valuable and necessary I find it to be. Because we even can't talk about mental empowerment if we don't deal with traumas and wounds first. If you think you don't have any and you're an adult, think again. Psychotherapy will offer you a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings, face your past, recognize how it affects your present, understand your patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Healing your soul is the first step to getting stronger and doing it right on a solid foundation. As with your body you wouldn't begin to strengthen an injured muscle or area without first or at the same time healing it, so it is good to think about your soul and mind as well.
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Educate Yourself
Investing in your education and developing your skills is one of the best ways boost your confidence. And before you say you can’t afford it, allow me to tell you that these are just excuses. There are many free resources available, especially for tech skills that are in high demand. Sites like Coursera,the Khan Academy,the Alison, το Codecademy, η Google and LinkedIn offer free courses on various topics. By upgrading your skills, you increase your chances of leaving your crappy job, finding a better-paying one that aligns with your values and interests, or start something of your own. And you know what else? just learning something new you will strengthen your belief in yourself. Yes you can! It only takes 1 hour of your time and if you look at the time you spend on your phone you will understand that you have it.
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Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself
This is a continuation of the previous one. If you say you're going to do something, do it! Whether it's committing to regular exercise, drinking more water, eating healthier, or starting a hobby, keeping the promises you make to yourself builds confidence and strengthens your sense of integrity. Start with small and easy to achieve promises and gradually make bigger commitments as you build your confidence.
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Read Personal and Professional Development Books
Reading books can provide you with valuable knowledge and motivation. The following are some great examples:
- https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/1847941842/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.desXBN_Qe9kRWhqrsJgXDdKbphFBj2LMlxLtMk3_LSdw4lQKD0Lbjxy_7QyOiZOvy8FuKY_0-qIvqBG49Ag9EnwD3ufA9Z1iI6oRAeoqm0P2noR1jwzTUH4gTwEH2AAx112vEPa1aBU4LTSMlI_JRarDu-soiKQzN5e39gMY0LhMpacT4ZUNVXUlwBhW07R9jV0LPpzCflCNuWQfRrJZX_MdmuQELJnLqEDVAMgD23A.1Y9qKTFcpO9LyXcJGA-IVX86e4-7hXrjY4igft7-QSc&qid=1721131720&sr=8-1 (Μόνο στα Αγγλικά ή Ελληνική Μετάφραση είναι χάλια)
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Set Life Goals
Define specific goals that align with your values and aspirations. Break these goals down into manageable steps and create a timeline for achieving them. Setting clear, achievable goals gives you direction and purpose, making it easier to stay motivated and focused.
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Work with a Life Coach
Life coaching focuses on helping you achieve your personal and professional goals. A life coach can help you identify your strengths, overcome obstacles and create a clear plan of action. It can also act as a framework of empowerment and motivation, someone who will be there to keep you accountable and help you stay focused on your goal. And it doesn't compare to Psychotherapy. If financially you have to choose between the two personally as a life coach, I would advise you to start with therapy. Your therapist is essential. Again think what you would do with your body. You would first go to therapy to deal with the trauma or something that is bothering you and then proceed to hire a trainer to create for you a strength program. Follow the same steps for your mind and soul. Unlike therapy, life coaching focuses on the future, and on helping you achieve your goals and create the life you envision. And we always build better on solid and strong foundations.
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Network with Like-Minded Women
There is nothing more empowering to a woman than a community women who support her, make her feel safe and motivate her. Surround yourself with positive, supportive women who inspire and uplift you. Networking with like-minded individuals can provide encouragement, new perspectives, and opportunities for collaboration. Join women’s groups, professional associations, or online communities where you can share experiences and learn from others.
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Take Responsibility for Your Life and Choices
I don't know your past, maybe it was hard. Maybe you grew up in a toxic environment, maybe you didn't get enough love, maybe you got and lost it, maybe you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, maybe you are still there. You are not responsible for what happened to you. But you are responsible for changing the hold it has on you, your present and future. You are responsible for your life from now on and how you will handle this experience. You are responsible for whether you will stay in situations and people that treat you poorly or just feel woring or leave. If you want to change something for the better, you and only you are responsible for it. For your happiness, for your success. Don't look outside. Do not look back. Take charge of your life 100%, today. From here on. Where you will be 10 years from now will be the result of the choices you make today. Where do you want to be?
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Practice Self-Care
I keep saying and writing it in every chance I get, but it is so important and something that it’s not for granted. Most women I know are great at recognizing the needs of others and running to meet them, leaving themselves for last. They settle with leftovers or nothing at all. I mention this last but it is actually the first one. Because this is where it all starts. Prioritize your self-care by participating in activities that nourish your body, mind and soul. This can be exercise, a walk in the park, meditation, a hobby or just time to relax. You don't have to earn them. You deserve them.
In a world where gender equality still remains a challenge and every day we hear voices calling for steps back, empowering women is a powerful force for change and unlocking the potential of entire societies. And as a life coach specializing in women's empowerment and personal development, I have the pleasure of seeing first-hand the transformative effect of self-esteem and confidence.
Empowering women is not a luxury. It's a necessity. Because when women rise up, societies flourish. So let's invest in our worth and dream big.