When was the last time you gave up on a dream, a plan, something you wanted – and what’s the story you told yourself? How many and what kind of excuses did you come up with? When was the last time you failed at something and blamed it on a personality trait that you make sound like it can’t be changed? "I'm not ready", "I don't have enough experience", "I don't have any self-discipline", "I'm just not good with money", "I'm not a morning person", "I have a bad memory" etc. Do they sound familiar? You’ve probably used a similar statement to justify a behavior or decision. But I have news for you...they are all just excuses. In reality, these are limiting beliefs that you carry around and stand between you, your goals, and what you can truly achieve.
What are limiting beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts or ideas that you have about yourself or your abilities and that you interpret as "absolute truths" (as if they can’t or won't change) and which literally work like self-imposed limitations that prevent you from reaching your full potential and affect your capability to claim your highest goals.
Their roots can be found either in childhood or past experiences and you may use these beliefs in the form of statements in your everyday life or they can be deeply rooted in your subconscious mind, hindering your progress by working behind the scenes. In one way or another, these are beliefs or thoughts that you over time identify as "indisputable truths" (as if such things exist), and in many cases become the cause of self sabotage by acting as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How do you identify your limiting beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are often hidden deep in the subconscious, however, there are some strategies you can use to uncover them:
Pay attention to your self-talk
Notice the way you talk to yourself and identify any negative thoughts or "beliefs" that are limiting. These are the thoughts where you THINK of what you CAN'T do. What you are NOT doing well, The things or qualities that you are missing etc.
Identify behavioural and thought patterns
Look for patterns in your behavior or thought processes that may be holding you back. Is there something you repeatedly do? maybe a choice that looks way too familiar (yes that 'I always fall for the same type" is one of them).
Ask for feedback
Ask trusted friends or family members for feedback on your strengths and weaknesses. This can help you identify where you may be holding yourself back. But ask this from people who really know you, whose opinion you value and with whom you will not become defensive if you hear something you don't like
Keep a journal
Journaling can be a powerful tool for building self-awareness – write down freely and honestly your fears and insecurities and you'll gradually start to notice some patterns. You can even use journaling with guided prompts Self Therapy CBT Journalto help you uncover your limiting beliefs and replace them with more positive and empowering ones
Some common limiting beliefs:
"I can’t "
It's amazing the power two tiny words can have in holding you back. You probably already know it, but "I can't" is often a masked "I'm afraid". And you know what, it's okay. Part of being human is being afraid. It means you are stepping out of your comfort zone. It means that you are evolving, that you are pushing your limits and that’s good. The moment you catch yourself saying, "I can't," challenge that thought by asking, "Is it true that I can't do it, or am I afraid to try?" Most of the time you'll find that it's not a matter of ability, but rather a matter of mindset.
"I'm not good enough"
You are more than enough, just the way you are. And guess what...what you don't know, you can always learn, get better with practice. Don't let anyone, especially that little judgmental voice in your head, tell you otherwise
"Others may succeed but I don't have what it takes"
It's easy to look at others – especially those who have achieved something you want – and think, "They have something special that I don't." The only difference between them and you is that they have decided to believe in themselves and go after what they want, against all odds. Because we ALL face obstacles. Don't give up on your dreams before you start. Don't give up when you're struggling. In general, don't give up. Fall and get back up, reroot if you have to, but keep going. Get out of your head. Smash those little boxes. There are millionaires who didn't finish school. Entrepreneurs without a degree and successful professionals with 10 failed attempts behind them.Remember that success does not come from having all the answers but from having the courage to try, even when you are not sure of the outcome
"I'm too old or too young (oddly enough both occur) to start something new or important"
Repeat after me. Age is just a number, a state of mind. I’ve met 35-year-elders and 70-year-youngsters because everything is a matter of mindset and energy. So please don't let a number define your abilities. Whether you are 20 or 60 every day is a new opportunity to start, learn, unlearn, change, reinvent yourself and create the life you dream of. And please dream BIG, set new goals that make you want to wake up each morning and go after them.
"I don't deserve happiness, success, love."
"I don't deserve..." and add whatever you want after that. This belief is both common and untrue. And so hidden that you often don't know you have it. You don't know that some part of you thinks you don't deserve something. If you struggle with feelings of shame or have low self-worth due to past negative experiences, then you may feel that you don't deserve success, happiness, or good relationships. It's no wonder that this belief often leads to self-sabotage and missed opportunities. The truth is that everyone, literally everyone, deserves happiness, success and love and you are no exception. It is also no exception that we all make mistakes along the way, and hurt people knowingly or unknowingly. Learn, become better, recognize your mistakes, change your behavior and move towards a better version of you.
"I am who I am. I can not change"
Why do you put yourself in a box? The only constant in life is change. We are all works in progress. The world is constantly changing, evolving since the beginning of time. As humans, we have evolved through many shapes and forms to be who we are today but you can't change? Why would you want to limit your growth and potential just to be comfortable in a familiar identity/way of thinking/behaviour?
"It’s better not to try at all, than try and fail"
Trust me No! I say this as someone who has many failures under my belt which cost me money, time, energy. But they taught me more than any success ever did and made me quite resilient. In all honesty as I write these lines I am experiencing yet another failure. Something that didn't go the way I expected or would have wanted. Will I try again? YES. Always YES. Failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of the journey.
"I'm not good at..."
Another case that you can fill in the blank with whatever resonates with you. Personally for years I told myself that I'm not good with numbers, then I started my own business and revised. I don't like dealing with numbers but I'm good with them. What story are you telling yourself? Are you not good at relationships? With money; Are you not good at self-discipline? Let me tell you. Even if this belief is based on some past experience it does not have to determine your future. Don't make one or more experiences your identity.
How do you revise limiting beliefs?
Revising these deeply held beliefs is like training. It requires patience, persistence and a lot of self-love
- Challenge them: Ask yourself, "Is this true or is this a story I'm telling myself?" Check your thoughts and inner dialogue for any negative statements or thoughts that are sabotaging you. Challenge the basis of these beliefs with logical arguments.
- Use positive affirmations: Direct your thought process towards new paths by replacing your limiting beliefs with empowering affirmations. If you find that there is a particular limiting belief within you, create a positive statement in its place and repeat it as often as you can as a mantra.
- Seek emotional support: Your environment can be a great asset for reshaping your beliefs.Surround yourself with positive influences – inspiring people, books & podcasts – and get support from mental health professionals if necessary.
- Cultivate a growth mindset. Adopting a growth mindset means believing that you have the power to always evolve, improve and develop your skills and abilities. And when it comes to limiting beliefs this is crucial because it fosters the idea that you can become better and achieve more. It’s a mindset that will allow you to treat challenges as growth and learning opportunities.
When starting this process of "breaking your internal barriers" remember that it will take time. They weren't built in a day and they won't fall in a day. It will take time and you will have a lot of setbacks in the meantime, but it really doesn't matter. This is also part of the process. Personal development is not a straight and smooth road, it has turns, potholes and even canyons. Treat yourself with kindness and continue the journey.